Dining Out Experience T-Shirts

You can substitute broccoli for the asparagus, but you can't substitute another glass of wine for the fries.

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'A cheeky red?'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Special: Scrabbled Eggs. No, sir, it's not a misprint -- Ernie adds alphabet soup.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"I'm not weird I'm a 'person of weirdness'."

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Rump roast?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Today's special... donuts.

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Vindaloo hot enough?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"...But ASIDE from that, how was your trip to France?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Wine Selection 'Here we are. Our cheapest house wine. Would the gentleman care to smell the twisty cap?'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Pizza sounds wonderful. Italian, Greek or Hipster?"