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"I'm so hungry , I could eat a man." Alison's appetite was legendary.

"Stephen and I are today's special."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

Life is for the birds.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'Only the years when the market was Bullish...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

"Is the MSG local?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'How is the water prepared?'

"Anything but milk and cookies."

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Regular service or affected?"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

Am Awful Crammer.

Waiter in resturant sawing violin.

Steam from dinner in restaurant forms dollar sign

'A HAMBURGER?.. really?.. I took you for the WEENIE type!'

I'm not going to send over my manager just because there's a fly in your soup. What about sending over the fly's manager.

'I don't have enough money for a tip, but feel free to eat the leftovers!'