Dining Ambience Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Muzak? Or non muzak?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Stephen and I are today's special."

Life is for the birds.

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

'A cheeky red?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'You and your 'Rescue the Reindeer' campaign!'

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Who gets the decaf?'

Periodic table for two. Chez LMN't

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Well I wouldn't eat it, but don't let that put you off."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

"Anything but milk and cookies."

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"The after-dinner mint is the boss's idea. I think it's superfluous."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

Restaurant. One thing you can still get for a single dollar is the waiter's opinion of you.

"Your mother texted us that you're not getting enough to eat, so I brought you twice what you ordered."