Digital Vs Print Debater Gifts

"It's like the ancient internet, printed out."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

The Proust of Twitter

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"Perhaps in my next life I'll be a jpeg."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

Print Suicide

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

What'r We Doing Today, Daddy?

'I've taken the liberty of simplifying the latest data.'

"They say it's the first sign of aging - not being able to keep up with new technology."

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

'When I was young we didn't have the interweb at our fingertips. . . we had to go to the library to get our questions answered!'

The First Asshole

'Darling you'll be so proud of me, I've just written my first email. Now I must rush to get it in the post.'

Modern Nursery Rhymes

Mousetrap has captured the wrong type of mouse.

'Doctor, I just can't seem to relate to my computer equipment these days.'

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

"No you can' 'google' number seven!"

"Yeah yeah, nice, but how many online followers do you have?"

"My computer doesn't understand me!"

"The hive mind has reached a consensus about 'Wolverine'."

"Ugh... Jerry Saltz is totally junking up my feed again."

Jesus forgets to save.

"Of course you're not a failure - lots of people don't know how to tweet."

My dog ate my flash drive, and that's where I stored my homework.