Digital Age Debaters Gifts

Modern Nursery Rhymes

"Would you relax? They never look up."

The Proust of Twitter

A secretary at a desk with a nameplate the says Dot Com.

"Did you get my tweet?"

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

'The doctors say I have a rare illness that turns people into birds - it's untweetable.'

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

"If he has more than 20 followers on Twitter we call him a 'celebrity'."

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

'Remember when we used desktop computers? When everyone at least 'looked' busy?'

"I wasn't copying off others. I was just crowdsourcing the answers."

From Hunter-Gatherer to Influencer: The Evolution of the Dignity of Labor

"It says 'Click here to enlarge.'"

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Modern Portrait Gallery

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

''The Thinker' is an outdated concept.'

"Gramps, you were alive before everyone knew what you were doing on social media... What was that called?" "Bliss!"

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

21st century Safe Sex - protecting against face-recognition software.

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

"All the better to ignore you with."

"Did you get that text I sent asking you to turn around?"

"Embarrassing things that happen to you in the bedroom stay in the bedroom. . . and on facebook."

Books On Paper

What'r We Doing Today, Daddy?

"According to google, yahoo and bing, the meaning of life is 'more data space'."

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

High Tech/Low Tech.