Digital Debater Gifts

"How do you explain today's lesson was different than what's on Wikipedia?"

"Well, I can only be as informed as the paywall allows."

'Don't tell me I'm wrong...as far as I'm concerned it's your computer's word against my computer's word.'

Yeah, I used to get on message boards...

Another Day On Facebook

"Yeah yeah, nice, but how many online followers do you have?"

"Getting my daily news fix."

"Officer! You can't just lock me up for my facebook posts!"

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

"Last month, I offended 367 people on social media..."

'This is fun, Dad -- I'm in a flame war with Vladimir Putin!'

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

'My newspaper doesn't crash, download a virus or have to be rebooted and it's the same version since 1851.'

"Since we have spell check, what's the point?"

"I'm having a terrific online spat with some anonymous t*****t on The Guardian website."

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

"We lost Mr. Speak No Evil when he became a blogger."

"Ugh... Jerry Saltz is totally junking up my feed again."

"Did you write hate comments again?! Just wash your hands before lunch!!"

Online Agitation

"Hmmm. What am I gonna be outraged with today?"

The Proust of Twitter

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

3 Minutes since you totally overreacted to someone's online post

Online chat

Angry Bird

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

The Evil of Mobile Order and Pay

Off the computer, Teddy! Dad! You've been on all day! How can I keep up with my friends? Eighteen hours seems ample. May I point out

I agree with you, Sadie. It's a total waste. What is? Facebook. It just sucks up your time, with the chatting and the updates and the Scrabble playing. Scrabble? People play on Facebook or their iPhones or casual game sites. Total waste. I love Scrabble! Hook baited. Internal conflict!

Coffee, jerk! What's the matter? Sadie discovered flaming, i.e. hostile and insulting interaction among internet users. It's been incredible. Who can sleep when you've got endless opportunity to make people feel like crud about themselves?! I also need prescription drugs and steroids. Flaming out.

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

I'm done with the internet. But you discovered you can use it for Scrabble and flaming people. Crushing losers in online Scrabble and making them cry is great. But it's so much less satisfying than doing so in person. Really? Don't you understand anything, you tech-addled, bad-breathed, girlfriendless iPhone jockey?! Don't you ever try to get me hooded on that crud again. This is war. Again.

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need