Paper Vs Screen Debater Gifts

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The Proust of Twitter

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

"No, kid, we don't call these 'attachment icons.' We call them paperclips."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Perhaps in my next life I'll be a jpeg."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

Stacked In Tray

"I'll assume, then, my remarks have hit a responsive chord?"

''The Thinker' is an outdated concept.'

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

"I'm suffering the unbearable loneliness of being right on the internet."

'I'd like the short form instead...'

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

I'm loving the phone hacking scandal. I love it when ne'er-do-wells use technology to steal personal information. Because you like when people suffer. No. Because I love it when technology is proven as evil. Spare me. Technology is not evil. People are evil. Computers don't hack people. People hack people. Macs hack, Macs hack! You watch your mouth, filthy human! Fight, fight …

High Tech/Low Tech.

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

Book computer

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

To tweet, or not to tweet - that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the snark and the venomous replies of anonymous jerks

The First Asshole

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Oh no! What's wrong? I tweeted a sarcastic insult about Brian Blount, my nemesis in the race for class president. So? So … the sarcasm didn't come through. All my followers think I was praising him. Oh. Yeah, well sarcasm's tricky online. Oh no! My followers are confused about where my loyalties lie. Oh no! Some of them are calling me a sellout. They're saying they're disillusioned! Oh no! Now they've split into two factions, those who say I'm a sellout and those who say maybe Brian Blount isn't

Gimme a latte, geek. In a sec. I'm watching the end of a tv show on my new cellphone. Look out, Jack! Didn't you just buy a 50-inch plasma?! Is that a man or a tree?

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

"It's the first law of social media."

"Yeah yeah, nice, but how many online followers do you have?"

Humpty Dumpty sat on a paywall.

"The hive mind has reached a consensus about 'Wolverine'."

Man Covers Up Television in Favour of Books.