Digital Skeptics Gifts

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

'This trouble causer, wants to pay with cash!'

'Babiesforsale.com'

Mel Gibson stars as, 'The Man with No Facebook.'

'Godfrey is our only man who retains the skill to check e-books against original source material.'

Rare Books

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

"It only goes forwards and backwards. So, you won't need a GPS."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

I.T. Fear

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

'In my time, we didn't talk to a blackberry. We just ate the damn things!'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"Can't we have 'PRESS BUTTON' to shut up the commentator's gobbledegook."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

Privacy

"That whole internet dating thing....It killed me, I tell ya."

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

Coffee. The phrase "where everybody knows your name" used to sound warm and friendly. Now, with all our personal information exposed online, it sounds scary!

"Fifty years in academia, studying, researching, writing and teaching. And what do they call me? ‘The Human AI’."

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote