Digital Age Skeptic Gifts

Books On Paper

"Just go ahead and enter your email for us."

I don't think I'm ready yet for the information age.

Your new super-cool best friend, the algorithm!

'You have to learn arithmetic in case your computer crashes.'

"I just wanted to be removed from the mailing list."

Quadruple dark hot chocolate. Whoa, everything all right? Sure, yeah, great. I'm a journalist and writer in an era in which the printed word has been totally devalued by free distribution of information on the internet. Can I pay in prose? Point taken.

Another one bites the dust. Dare I ask: One what? Whatchamacallit store. Where people buy whatchamacallits. Whatchamacallits? The big ol' smelly non-digital things that people stack on shelves and look at before they fall asleep on airplanes. Books? I read something about them on iTunes. The iGeneration gleefully buries the bookstore.

'I don't have my homework because my dial-up modem couldn't connect with my on-line homework helper.'

The anti-social network: 'Daddy's on the phone...he wants to know if you'd like to be the chosen one.'

Don't text and drive!

'Boy, they sure don't make teaching software the way they used to!'

"Ugh! I'm always in a dead zone."

"My email is down... talk to me."

Online form - Submit.

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Rare Books

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

Library door sign says, 'We have encyclopedias ... the original Facebook!'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

'Remember when we used desktop computers? When everyone at least 'looked' busy?'

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

Statue of liberty selfie

The other digital divide.

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

'Another big newspaper just went out of business.', 'How did you hear about that?', 'I read it on the internet.'

"Did you get that text I sent asking you to turn around?"