Digital Age Denialist Gifts

"My computer still won't work. It must still hold a grudge from when I punched it in frustration."

My Bookshelf Before the Internet

Rare Books

"Looking at you, the moon and beyond, don't you think we could start a blog?"

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

'Don't worry about the thumb sucking...she'll be texting with it soon enough.'

'Never trust emails. You can't shred them.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

Press Any Key. No, Not That One.

"Turn on the news." "I will not comply." "My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story." "There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on rocky road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills." "Who told you this?" "Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy."

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

'Remember when we used desktop computers? When everyone at least 'looked' busy?'

'Read ALL about IT! While we're STILL in Circulation!'

The other digital divide.

"I know it seems cruel, but it's the only way for him to get rid of that silly technophobia."

The benefit of an old-fashioned newspaper.

"All the better to ignore you with."

Customer help - jargon talking i-diot.

"Did you get that text I sent asking you to turn around?"

"What, again? You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Buy my data $20"

"Your confirmation number is 7913842461. To hear this information again press 1."

Books On Paper

'No, I'm not writing to Santa, I'm writing a blog questioning the validity of Santa, since he has no web presence.'

What'r We Doing Today, Daddy?

His Master's Data.

'This app that recommends what I read next works, but it's insulting. It referred me to a gas station restroom wall.'

'When I was young we didn't have the interweb at our fingertips. . . we had to go to the library to get our questions answered!'

"If we're doing such a good job of keeping the devil away, how come we have so many of these infernal machines around here?"

"That was good, but we could have watched it on my phone."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'That's funny - the computer said we had mail..'

Brggar holding sign - 'Victim of computer age'.