Digital Publishing Fan Gifts

eBook signing,

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Congratulations! You've just downloaded a baby boy.'

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

The Digital Family

'Amount of white out used while writing, Moby Dick, an issue of The National Enquirer, and 101 Uses for a Dead Cat.'

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

Editor.

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

Is it a book? A film? A TV show? How do you mime a podcast?

"Ever wonder where all those cat videos come from?"

'You again? OK, pal... I'm deleting you and this time you're going to stay deleted!' ~ the screen saver of Dorian Gray.

"We need a better distribution system."

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

Publisher: 'Do we need more books?'

Book Shop: DYI section

'I think you should know, I put a piece on 'YourTube' praising your stewardship.'

"Legal is concerned you made up your 'True Life' adventures."

"What a coincidence, I'm an influencer too!"

Literary Advice

'I'm just updating my Facebook profile.'

"The following story is based on a Netflix original series, from a book published by Amazon.com."

'Remember when your identity was stolen? I just bought it back on eBay.'

"It's free, but they sell your information."

"Dear Author: Your novel is incomparably brilliant! Unfortunately, we aren't looking for incomparably brilliant novels at this time."

I'm afraid we only accept manuscripts through an agent, except spy novels, which we only accept through a double agent.

"You want art, words, or a QR code?"

Moo Tube.

Virtual Mayday Parade in Cuba

Woman on TV says: 'Remember, you can download the best bits of this show as a video podcast, if you really have no life.'

The Influencer from Hamelin