Digital Publishing Gifts

Book Signing: "Technical Support!"

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

First Novels.

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Gay Times...

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'There's nothing on.'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

Proud of herself for "never owning a tv" Emily watches eight episodes of a mediocre tv show on her laptop while in bed.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"So start throwing together about 10 novels a week and bring them in on Wednesdays."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

"It's about the murder of an editor who refuses to publish a writer's work..."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Two Generations of Readers

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!