Online Publishers Gifts

'My manuscript is available for download on the internet. I'll email the link to you.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

First Novels.

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

Gay Times...

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

The Apostle Paul receives a reply from the Corinthians.

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

Letters escape from a caged book.

Sue the Author 3PM

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Tracey, this is Gene. He also read the Nancy Reagan book in unbound galleys."

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

Meet the author - celebrity autobiographies,

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'

"For just one monkey in front of one typewriter you've come up with some amazing stuff."

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."