Self-publishing Gifts

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

"I publish unfettered on the web."

"Steve, trust me, this has nothing to do with you being self-published."

Getting rejection notices is worse when you're self-publishing.

"How's your web cartoon going?"

"I reckon word got out that you were fixin' to pass out copies of your new self-published novel."

"They're all the books I've self published on amazon."

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

"Meet the author"

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"Meet the embellisher 3-5 pm"

First Novels.

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

It's Dostoevsky. It's Melville. It's Flaubert. But it doesn't dance.

"Your hunch was right, Officer Garcia. We'll need a good editor to clean up this manuscript and bring his unfinished novel to a satisfying conclusion."

Gay Times...

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"If I 'HAD IT ALL' it would it be enough?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

'Thank goodness you were wrong mom, dad says a period is what comes at the end of a sentence.'

"It's about sex and revenge, except for a short chapter on the Continental Congress."

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

In a world where spelling doesn't count.

"No—You're thinking dog years—Editor years are twice as many."

Thesaurus Publishing: Out, Not here, Gone, Absent.

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

'It's the first animal in their dictionary, Inter-Planetary Publishing Protocol is to always list the most intelligent lifeform first...'