Self-publishing Sage Gifts

'You love this vanity publishing, don't you?'

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

'As a famous writer, could you do something to help jumpstart my career?'

"You said mindfulness could help us do well on the test, so I filled it up with as much as I could last night."

"If you saw a book with the title 'An American Speaks Out,' would you buy it?"

"They remove people who have become 'jammed in armchairs' due to COVID 19 lockdown!"

Sumo Love.

'Chicken soup for dummies who don't sweat the small stuff.'

"Intrapreneuring chief- how about a glass on the house?"

The novel was printed and in the stores ... any minute now, the world would beat down his door.

Writers wait in their area of expertise.

Man milks a book.

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

'As is the fashion these days, it's about nothing.'

'This is the shortest autobiography I've ever read!'

'Don't jump. It's a book publisher!'

"As your first novel, it starts out badly and just falls away!"

"Health officials now confirm the proliferation of a new epidemic they're calling 'way too many memoirs being published.'"

'I still write all my novels longhand.'

Two men creating themselves with a pencil and paintbrush.

'I self-published my e-book and uploaded it into 'the cloud'...but I'm not sure which one.'

How to believe in yourself.

Book Shop: DYI section

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

"They're all the books I've self published on amazon."

'I think your book will be a huge success.'

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

"Great news! Your novel is in a medium-size pile in the middle of the floor about four feet from the left side of Oprah's assistant's desk."

'Well you know what they say 'here today gone tomorrow' or in the case of dotcoms, 'here today gone shortly after lunch.'

Knowing your audience

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

Don't get so excited - it's from you. Self-publishers Clearinghouse. I may already be a winner!