Self-publishing Enthusiast Gifts

"You sure you want to go the self-publishing route?"

"I decided to self-publish."

Don't get so excited - it's from you. Self-publishers Clearinghouse. I may already be a winner!

'I self-published my e-book and uploaded it into 'the cloud'...but I'm not sure which one.'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

Editor.

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

"Personally, I loved your novel. Unfortunately, our e-book editor says it just doesn't work on the little screen!"

Professor McWit, Didn't Publish, So Perished.

'Being a brilliant,inspiring teacher is NOT adequate, Hackwell....'

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

"We need a better distribution system."

Publishing Clauses Of The '90s.

Home Business - Business Cards.

"Health officials now confirm the proliferation of a new epidemic they're calling 'way too many memoirs being published.'"

"I was able to get you a 2-book deal."

'Brilliant writing, Mr. Fenswick, but I'm afraid we'll have to pass on your 'How to Commit the Perfect Crime'!'

Publisher: 'Do we need more books?'

Book Shop: DYI section

Are you printing your own book? No, it's my mailing to agents!

"Legal is concerned you made up your 'True Life' adventures."

Literary Advice

"They're all the books I've self published on amazon."

"No, it's great. I'm just saying 'The Gospel of St. Luke' is an ambitious title for a first-time self-publisher."

I'm afraid we only accept manuscripts through an agent, except spy novels, which we only accept through a double agent.

"Dear Author: Your novel is incomparably brilliant! Unfortunately, we aren't looking for incomparably brilliant novels at this time."

'I've been working on this novel since I was 10 years old.'

'Bestseller list? But is it print, ebook or combo?'

Disaster strikes Dilmont Publishing.

'I self-published a book on how to be successful. It forced me into bankruptcy.'

Man on Desert Island reads about himself.

'He's never forgotten his humble beginnings.'

"I'm self-published."