Digital Discourse Analyst Gifts

'I blame the internet.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Teleconferencing makes it just like they're in the room with us - things are unclear and difficult to understand."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

'Honey, tell me honestly...does this operating system make me look big-endian?'

The psychiatrist.

'Now you're talking my language.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

"May I air-quote you?"

"It killed on social media yet you say it's horrible?" "Lousy is lousy."

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

'Do you get the feeling there isn't much substance in most conversations?'

"Uncommunicative? Have you tried texting him?"

"I can tell much more about you if I read your Palm Pilot."

"I write reactionary half-truths and broad generalizations, therefore I am."

'Nice talking to you, but would you please excuse me? I need to get some air...'

"They see you when you're sleeping - They know when you're awake..."

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will rip out my entrails and dance on my grave.'

'When the Secretary of the Navy signed off with, 'Long live the Ayatollah', I knew we had been hacked.'

"Events are unfolding very slowly."

"No, I mean literally literally!"

"I'm not sure you see my point of view..." "From down here I'd say that's probably true!"

"Does she mean LOL funny or LOL strange?"

'Are 3-D, high definition webinars really necessary?'

"You're trying to stifle a yawn, Henry. I saw your nostril twitch!"

'I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.'

A man being taken too literally