Digital Discourse Analyst Pillows

'I blame the internet.'

"It seems my fear of death has been replaced by my fear of politics."

"You know, there are other emojis."

"Teleconferencing makes it just like they're in the room with us - things are unclear and difficult to understand."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

'Honey, tell me honestly...does this operating system make me look big-endian?'

Collected works

The psychiatrist.

'Now you're talking my language.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

"Uncommunicative? Have you tried texting him?"

"May I air-quote you?"

"It killed on social media yet you say it's horrible?" "Lousy is lousy."

"You know what I bet it is? I bet we're breaking up but we just don't realize it yet."

'Do you get the feeling there isn't much substance in most conversations?'

'You know, sometimes I think we don't even speak the same body language.'

Facebookdead

"I can tell much more about you if I read your Palm Pilot."

"I write reactionary half-truths and broad generalizations, therefore I am."

'Nice talking to you, but would you please excuse me? I need to get some air...'

"They see you when you're sleeping - They know when you're awake..."

'Anyway, enough about you. Let's talk about me.'

"No, I mean literally literally!"

'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will rip out my entrails and dance on my grave.'

"I'm not sure you see my point of view..." "From down here I'd say that's probably true!"

"Siri, two plus two?"

"Events are unfolding very slowly."

'When the Secretary of the Navy signed off with, 'Long live the Ayatollah', I knew we had been hacked.'

So Many Exceptions There Are No Community Standards

I hope I didn't hear you correctly, Lance. Actually, I hope so too, Gloria.

"Does she mean LOL funny or LOL strange?"

'Are 3-D, high definition webinars really necessary?'

'I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame you.'

"You're trying to stifle a yawn, Henry. I saw your nostril twitch!"