Digital Discourse Buff Pillows

"I just wish I hadn't spent most of my life reading the comments below online news articles"

The Proust of Twitter

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

The Modern Novel.

"Teleconferencing makes it just like they're in the room with us - things are unclear and difficult to understand."

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

Woman on the phone.

'Honey, tell me honestly...does this operating system make me look big-endian?'

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"Nd how did tht mke u feel?"

Modern Narcissism

Blog Breakdown

I've founded my own religion. Of course you have, Rudy. It's off to a good start. Already, it's being mocked by people of other faiths. If history's any guide, within a couple hundred years, it'll be widely accepted and people who don't believe in it will be persecuted. What are the central tenets of your religion? A true Rudian knows that life is suffering, and winning arguments online is salvation.

Communication

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

I can't keep up, Randy. What happened, little buddy? You know how I created a hate-bot to automate my back you up in online arguments business? Don't tell me: The Russian troll farms beat you to it. No. My hate-bot became sentient and created an even snarkier hate-bot. Mankind is officially obsolete. For an extra $1, the HB-1000 will throw in racism and misogyny.

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

Philosophie.fr Bulletin Board - 1936

"Sorry, Man! I had no idea Alexa would be here!"

The First Asshole

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"We don't communicate any more..."

"My chat bot doesn't understand me."

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

"It killed on social media yet you say it's horrible?" "Lousy is lousy."

Rudy, be reasonable. We can't have a functioning media if everyone starts putting up their own stories on the web. We need professional ethics. We need editing. We need fact-checking. We need

"Lets take this conversation off line..."

"Uncommunicative? Have you tried texting him?"

"No need to Whatsapp me dear, I'm right here."

'Excuse me, could everyone be quiet, I'm trying to talk on my cellphone.'

"Yeah yeah, nice, but how many online followers do you have?"

"The hive mind has reached a consensus about 'Wolverine'."

'I'm having the shrimp scampi. How about you?'