Digestive Aid Doubter Gifts

"All those in favor of adding another 5 billion organisms to our probiotic just for the fun of it..."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Journey of a sandwich through the digestive system.

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"May I remind you that I'm still in charge here, Baskin. And when I say, 'Jump,' you say, 'How many floors.'"

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

If Peter had only interpreted Jesus' words literally...

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

'Chief say he eat to many beans.'

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

'Is this a trick question?'

Santa's grotto advertising 'Talk to Santa', is next to a diet clinic with a sign in the window, 'Santa, talk to us.'

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

I'm sorry I couldn't come up with a reason for you to live, Al. I blame it on the fact that I got my medical degree from Trump University.

"It's his body language. All I hear is snorting, burping, and ominous rumblings from his lower extremities."

"This paleo diet is a lot of work. Maybe we should eat grains."

'I've got acid indigestion.'

"Hmmm, not sure I trust that kale."

"I'm skipping straight to a second opinion, in the first one, I thought you were OK."

'Talk about perennial doubt?'

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

'Your problem is keeping things down. I want you to take this one pill four times a day.'

'If I knew what those trillions of bacteria wanted, I'd give it to them.'

'I'm off to see the gizzard.'

Burp! Tap. Reflux, where reflex should be.

"I'm looking over you chart and I see you've gained 30 pounds. I thought you went on a diet!"

'Blindly following market trends generally works for me, but when it doesn't, I blame computer trading.'

'Social media? There's nothing social about it!'

'When you told me to refuse second helpings you said nothing about third,fourth or fifth helpings.'

"Torture in Hell awaits those who question God's love!"

"Perhaps we should stay home this evening."

"And who gave you the first opinion? Facebook, Twitter or Whatsapp?"