Diet Doubter Gifts

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

'When you told me to refuse second helpings you said nothing about third,fourth or fifth helpings.'

"I'm looking over you chart and I see you've gained 30 pounds. I thought you went on a diet!"

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Critisize your weight.

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

Secretive Weigh In.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

When I walk as part of my fitness plan I feel a new, great appreciation for all humanity! That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind. It's so hot and humid nobody's around today. Magnificent desolation! Do you think you'll stick with your diet? Failure is not an otion. Look! An ice cream truck! On the moon I'd weigh 41 pounds and could eat ice cream all day! Houston we have a problem!

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

'Diet considerations.'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

Dieting Motivation.

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'