Diet Doubter T-Shirts

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

'When you told me to refuse second helpings you said nothing about third,fourth or fifth helpings.'

"I'm looking over you chart and I see you've gained 30 pounds. I thought you went on a diet!"

'Personally I take all these programmes with a pinch of salt.'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Secretive Weigh In.

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

Critisize your weight.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

'His workout regimen consists of 50 sit-downs every day.'

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'This towel is wet so I'll subtract fourteen pounds.'

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Diet considerations.'

Dieting Motivation.

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"That's it - your diet starts tomorrow"

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Follow this diet, and soon the temple of your soul will just be a small chapel.'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.