Diagnosis Doubter Gifts

"I'm skipping straight to a second opinion, in the first one, I thought you were OK."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"All those in favor of adding another 5 billion organisms to our probiotic just for the fun of it..."

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Is this a trick question?'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

I'm sorry I couldn't come up with a reason for you to live, Al. I blame it on the fact that I got my medical degree from Trump University.

"Actually, you don't have a pinched nerve...your underwear is too tight!"

"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."

'A second opinion would be appreciated only if confirms my opinion.'

"Well, that's one in the eye for doubting Thomas!"

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

'...You've got no game.'

The good news is they'll probably name it after me!

'I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got...'

Doctor informing patient about a disease.

'Blindly following market trends generally works for me, but when it doesn't, I blame computer trading.'

'Social media? There's nothing social about it!'

'According to this rubbish I'm going on a long journey.'

'She said the Skeptic's Club has been disbanded due to doubts about the leadership, but I don't buy that baloney for one minute.'

"Sometimes I wonder why I spent 11 years studying medicine when your research online seems to have identified your condition...if you were a Patagonian fruit bat!"

"And who gave you the first opinion? Facebook, Twitter or Whatsapp?"

"You wanted me to go to that small college..they've gone out of business, and me degree was recalled."

"They're books, Dad needs them for reading."

Psychopath