Digital Doubter Gifts

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

'Social media? There's nothing social about it!'

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

The Proust of Twitter

"We broke up. I wanted a proprietary platform - she wanted open source."

"Honey, come quick! This guy in the comments section just solved the Middle East crisis."

"I had a great weekend... My Grandpa talked about the war again and my Dad about his most daring facebook comments!"

'It's true -- we DO communicate better in a chat room.'

'I can watch T.V. shows on the computer, so who needs a TV?'

'When the school upgraded its operating system, for the third time, I upgraded my headache medicine from over-the-counter to prescription strength.'

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

"I know you're wrong, I just can't get the computer to say it yet."

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"I can tell you about this article or you can just read the comments online."

The Screeeen!

'I can't get the hang of this cloud computing...'

"Not now, honey. Daddy's arguing with strangers about the sexual orientation of puppets."

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

'I don't surf the net, I just kind of dog-paddle through it.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Is this a trick question?'

'Don't internalise that simmering rage -- get it out of your system on website comments sections.'

'That brush - how many dpi?'

"Yeah yeah, nice, but how many online followers do you have?"

"The hive mind has reached a consensus about 'Wolverine'."

'He's at the 'awkward stage' in converting to paperless so he carries both a laptop and a briefcase.'

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

Humpty Dumpty sat on a paywall.