Data Doubter Gifts

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

'It's only a hunch, but I think everybody bought everything they needed, last time.'

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

'With the increase in hacking, the I.T. department has proposed sealing all of our data in blister packs.'

"Right, before we look at the covid figures for today, do we need another sheet of paper?"

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

"As you can see, sales have been a little erratic lately..."

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Charities should investigate whether published reports are 'Misleadingly Positive'.

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'

Privacy Conference Security

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'The question is - to what level of data do we wish to stoop.'

"The date protection policy is all about access to information, and we all know information is POWER!"

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"There's a lot of uncertainty out there these days. Or not. Who knows?"

"Thanks for considering me for the job as head of cybersecurity, but I already hacked into your network and gave myself the job."

Violent Crime Statistics

'Maybe we have the wrong subject for this brain mapping project.'

'How do we know the NSA hasn't hacked your naughty list?'

"Eureka! Details to follow."

'We have some facts about you that you don't remember, some that you thought were really secret, and some that never even happened.'

'Research shows that while the number of surfers is somewhat constant over the year, there is a sudden increase in casual bathers over Summer...'

Workers are running out of one door labeled 'Reactive Business Intelligence,' while another worker in the next room sits calmly behind a door with a sign that reads, 'Proactive Business Intelligence.'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

'86.4% of people use phony statistics to get their point across.'

"Unfortunately, the consumer was not as demanding as we had hoped."

'It looks like our data.'

It's spooky how Amazon can track you down