Degree Doubter Gifts

I'm sorry I couldn't come up with a reason for you to live, Al. I blame it on the fact that I got my medical degree from Trump University.

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

Day one, post grad

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

Welcome! University of Hard Knocks...Where common sense is better than smarts!

"May I remind you that I'm still in charge here, Baskin. And when I say, 'Jump,' you say, 'How many floors.'"

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

"Siri, are you out of your mind?!"

Door labelled: 'False Economy Analysis & Research.'

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

"On a scale of one to ten. How happy would you say you are?"

'Carrot cake!.. What's next?.. Broccoli cake?'

'Is this a trick question?'

Useful Degrees:"Bachelor of Waitressing

'I'm sorry - Mr. Jenkins, MBA, PhD, MD, Esq. is O.U.T.'

'I didn't know 'Businessish Management' was something you could get a degree in.'

'Thanks, I started collecting diplomas when I was seven.'

"No, I'm sorry Geoff. I still can't remember you ever having a six pack there."

"You put PhD on birth certificate?!" "It's never to early to give em an advantage."

"I'm skipping straight to a second opinion, in the first one, I thought you were OK."

WHEW!

'What makes you think you're so smart?'

Glad-You-Ation

"Well, that's one in the eye for doubting Thomas!"

"Take two pills every four hours. Or, take four pills every two hours and get better even faster." What he thought he heard.

"Son, I'm proud of you! You're the fiest in the family to study and wear a tie at work!"

"There's no way in hell this is what it's all about."

'FOR THIS I WENT TO COLLEGE?'

'Social media? There's nothing social about it!'

'When you told me to refuse second helpings you said nothing about third,fourth or fifth helpings.'

"I'm looking over you chart and I see you've gained 30 pounds. I thought you went on a diet!"

'I think educated guesses are useless; they're nothing but I-don't-knows with a degree.'

'Blindly following market trends generally works for me, but when it doesn't, I blame computer trading.'

"And who gave you the first opinion? Facebook, Twitter or Whatsapp?"