Tech Doubter Gifts

"I'm an atheist. I don't believe in programmers."

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

"That recruitment algorithm we’ve been using, I think we need to revisit it!"

I.T. Fear

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

'Tech stocks dropped on the finding that technology isn't neccessarily the best solution to everything.'

"And may I now introduce Professor Muckenspucker, who is an authority on artificial stupidity."

"Of course, if they ever start to suspect all their TVs are watching them back, we may have problems."

Computer Class.

The fate that awaits us all: creeping Rooneyism

GPS can still have a few bugs in the system.

"What's an imagination? It was something kids used to enjoy before they invented video games."

Privacy

'As you know, some of us can't keep up with the pace of new technology.'

Censorship? We Don't Do That Here.

We need to see him because there's no satellite-based system to guide us on a trip down the path to enlightenment.

"We need to rethink our strategy of hoping the Internet will just go away."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Grandpa's not tech savvy. If I want to unfriend someone, I say, 'I don't like you anymore' to their face."

Big Brother.

"Tarzan no want computer."

Progress?

"I need a pitchfork that's just a pitchfork."

"To 'click to enter' or not to 'click to enter'… that is the question."

"You can't believe everything the Russian bots tell you."

Diner is served

'Why worry about intrusive electronic surveillance. If you've done nothing wrong, you should have nothing to hide!'

'Here's a picture of my mom before Photoshop!'

"I know it seems cruel, but it's the only way for him to get rid of that silly technophobia."

'Sir, we need to upgrade our technology. We've used up our last roll of ticker tape.'

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

Uncle Sam is a Pedophile

"Mom...This call may be monitored for quality assurance."

"Other than going ahead and back an hour at daylight savings, professor, can your time machine travel to any other period in time?"