Dietary Diva Gifts

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'I'm de-toxing my bookshelves.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I don't eat meat or fish, so I can't tell you much about the specials."

"I'll have his gluten."

You really need more fiber in your diet, Bob.

'It counts as one of your five portions a day.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Being GLUTEN FREE is your entire resume?'

"I'm worried you're not getting enough fruit and vegetables."

The Food Free Food Aisle

"No. . . No, it's FOUR vegan, three FRUITARIAN and Six vegetarian traditional Christmas dinners."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'Not that sort of body building program!'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"I come here for the pepper."

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"