Diet Demand Diva Gifts

"I asked for something gluten-free, dairy-free and meat-free and he brought me a glass of water."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'Diet considerations.'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

"I'm a monster."

"Don't bother gathering carbs for me, I'm on the Paleo diet."

Valleyview diet clinic

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"Here's your dessert. A guilt counselor iss standing by to help you once you calculate how many calories you've consumed."

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

I've been told I can order a small mocha. Told? Because of my heart rate and activity level over the past seven days, I've been allotted a daily limit of 1,426 calories. I'm told that's just enough to include one small mocha. Hold on … there's vibrating ... Hold on ... hold on ... buffering ... Bing! Fitness overlords says I'm one calorie away from a medium mocha. It says yelling burns one calorie. I've got to get that app.

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."