Dietary Diva T-Shirts

"I can't have anything that's a food."

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"No, we don't sell gluten-free gluten."

'I'm de-toxing my bookshelves.'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I don't eat meat or fish, so I can't tell you much about the specials."

"I'll have his gluten."

'It counts as one of your five portions a day.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'Being GLUTEN FREE is your entire resume?'

The Food Free Food Aisle

"No. . . No, it's FOUR vegan, three FRUITARIAN and Six vegetarian traditional Christmas dinners."

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

La Table

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

'Not that sort of body building program!'

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"I come here for the pepper."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

The candy house, if the tale of Hansel and Gretel would happen today.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"It comes with a small Greek salad."

"It was wonderful, Henri. Arnold had died and gone to heaven."

'I really can't stay for dessert. Why don't you stay and DVR the rest of the date for me?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Are you sure you want to see the kitchen? The chef is naked."

"I lost 20lbs on my diet. I guess it's time for a relapse."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."