Dietary Aficionado T-Shirts

All natural, no fat, cholesterol, carb, sodium, fiber, chemical additives, and we spiced it up so you'd never know it was sawdust.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

All Natural Nothing

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Do you want your zebra de la margola rare, medium or well done?'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

Man Trying to Uncork Champagne.

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"....and hold the garlic."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Would madam like to sniff the resealable cap?"

"He'd like the broiled monkfish, too, but first he's having a quick taste of the gutter."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

Fat man on scales.

Three people view wine price 3 ways.

"Ah — excellent catsup."

Long Corkscrew

'What do you recommend?.' 'A big tip.'

Snow & Flo series: Wedding guests.