Special Diet Aficionado T-Shirts

"One gluten-free, lactose-free, low carb pizza."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

All Natural Nothing

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction