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Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"In the morning I eat nothing then I wait 4 hours and eat nothing again."

"Good news, Terry, I've hit my target weight. We can start having chips again every night."

"How's that new diet going?"

'I'm sick of seafood - it's time to swim upstream to spawn.'

'Take two of these weight loss tablets before every meal. Your stomach won't have room for food.'

'Be patriotic. Food prices are rising. Eat less.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

'Do you have to use that? -- tongue depressors make me hungry.'

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Be Healthy

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

All Natural Nothing

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Fitness guru.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

Health Nut with a 60-Pack

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."