Dietary Preferences Aficionado T-Shirts

"The feeding of the fad thousand"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

Diet Books: Fiction/Non-Fiction

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Diet Cud

'If I'm reading this chart correctly, your LDL is ranch dressing'.

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

sports bar buffet : Hotdogs/pizza/Corn-on-the-Ty Cobb

Chocolate never tasted as good as when I sneak a piece while dieting.

"In the morning I eat nothing then I wait 4 hours and eat nothing again."

'I had the same thing for lunch.'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"Eating the mistakes is a tough job, but somebody has to do it."

"You're really serious about that diet!"

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

'The nation is evenly divided again...the red states, Atkins Diet...the blue states, South Beach.'

Mr. Guppy's entertainment

'Stay tuned for a surprising new health study regarding...'