Dietary Advice Gifts

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

This salt lick supplies iodide, a necessary nutrient.

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Mum, it's not fair: The principal said I was not allowed to take nuts to school anymore...'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

"Early Bird, you need to go easy on the worms."

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"Eating less and exercising more. . . It's the only thing that works but how can we monetise it?"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I've been talking to … um … Tina for three whole weeks … Do you think it's too early to try and get her to move out her near me? Excellent question. The answer is, we're all barreling full-steam toward death and incontinence. So seize the moment!!! that's both depressing and uplifting at the same time.