Dietary Advice Gifts

"That's why you need to chew your food!" (cow deposited a hay bale).

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

This salt lick supplies iodide, a necessary nutrient.

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"No offense, but the manna needs salt."

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Mum, it's not fair: The principal said I was not allowed to take nuts to school anymore...'

"Grandmom told me "the way to a man's heart is through his stomach." I told her that has medical malpractice written all over it!"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"Well, then - two apples a day."

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

'I'm sick of fast food. I mean, look at the legs on that thing.'

Squirrel in tree with t-shirt saying ''may contain nuts.'

"Early Bird, you need to go easy on the worms."

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'