Health Advice Gifts

"Your next fattened kid could be your last."

"I'd like to see you a little taller, and a little younger."

'He's reached his limit with Government health advice.'

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"My doctor told me to get outdoors more, so now I put on more yard sales."

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"You were smart to come see, Mr. Lewis. These moles on your back definitely look suspicious."

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

"If you bring joy and enthusiasm to everything you do, people will think you're crazy."

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

Ask Sadie. Dear Sadie, I am a 24-year-old man. The woman I am about to marry is having second thoughts because she believes that we are too young. What do you think? - Jacob. Actual reader letter. Great question. When is the right time to marry? Randy, our commitment expert, would you like to handle this one? Jacob, really, what were you expecting?! Medic! Randy's not moving.

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

What's your question for "Ask Sadie"? I've been talking to … um … Tina for three whole weeks … Do you think it's too early to try and get her to move out her near me? Excellent question. The answer is, we're all barreling full-steam toward death and incontinence. So seize the moment!!! that's both depressing and uplifting at the same time.