Seeking Health Advice Gifts

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'Good news! Throwing yourself at the mercy of the cholesterol seems to have worked.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"I'm recommending a more balanced diet."

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'I'm going to check with my pastor to see what the Bible says about this operation.'

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'You've never starved a fever, have you?'

"You must cut down on your smoking."

'Now this quack wants me to see a specialist- what the hell is a PATHOLOGIST'

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping meals, and jumping to conclusions won't help you."

This is Dr. Sadie. What's your question, caller? How can I tell if my cold is really bronchitis? Stop yer sniveling. In my day, a body would hope it was bronchitis. It gave you a chance to prove your grit! Nothing like a touch of burning pain, wheezing, and crackling in the chest to separate the women from the girls. What kind of doctor are you, again?

"My doctor said I needed to go on a diet. . . Yes, to a new doctor!"

'These pamphlets will explain the procedure and these leaflets will explain the pamphlets.'

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'

"You're my second opinion. . . my wife was my first."

Greed