Medical Advice Seekers Gifts

"A quick internet search stopped me worrying about my aching back...."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

'I took your advice and told him either I get a raise or I quit!'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

"Look, you're the one who asked me for some girl advice."

'Where you went wrong' Desk.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"I'm sorry your wife doesn't understand you, but this is a dry cleaner's."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

"You need to stop eating that sh*t."

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. "Trekfan" in Dallas, you're on. WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?! House of Java Cybercafe. I've been trying to get my wife to watch sci-fi with me. But she's so closed-minded about it. Everything that I find so profound and beautiful about it, she finds silly. Stop trying to change your wife into a Xerox copy of yourself! Right now your relationship is based on the kind of incompatibility that leads to resentment, recrimination and bickering. Enjoy that. You'd make a great Kl

"The diagnostic computer think I should defrag your hard drive."

I'm the bluebird of happiness, and I'm on a book tour. Make Your Own Happiness.

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

If you are ringing your coach to ask about your next move then we're finished.

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?" "My mom's in a nursing home. I think someone's stealing her jewelry." "What's the matter, you're afraid someone is stealing your inheritance?" "Simple solution: Send your mother to Japan, where their entire culture reveres the elderly." "Sayonara, grandma!!!" "Are you sure that's not just a stereotype?" "Who cares?!"

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'I just had to stop by and thank you for all the advice...'

Ask Sadie. I am getting divorced and I moved to Vegas. Do you think that's a smart move? - Jim. *Actual reader letter. Jim, this is a great question. One I get all the time. You do? Really? Oh yes, people are always asking me for my advice after they've already done something. You're about to yell. What do you need me for if you've already moved, you !@#$ dillweed? She gives that answer all the time.

Life Extension Journal.

A Bug's Life Advice