Online Medical Advice Seeker Gifts

"There's no known treatment for it, but I can refer you to some great related content."

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

The Canary in the Coal Mine

'My doctor told me avoid any unnecessary stress, so I didn't visit him today.'

When it comes to health issues, I'd rather listen to a physician than a spin doctor.

'I'm prescribing a laxative pill and a sleeping pill. Never, never take them together.'

"I'm a doctor - I'm SUPPOSED to be a health nut!"

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

'Learn to relax and don't bottle yourself up.'

'Yes, yes, yes, now seriously, what can we do to improve our health?'

"Loss of libido? Have you considered Husband Replacement Therapy?"

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

'You have to give up this devil-may-care fattitude.'

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

Life Extension Journal.

'The best thing for you, is to give up booze and smoking.'

'Well, if you don't smoke or drink, stop chewing gum!'

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

'Have your daily bread every other day.'

'I want to lose weight, Doctor.' - 'Eat less, then.' - 'I need it to be more complicated than that.' - 'Why?' - 'How can I justify failing if it's that simple, eh?!' - 'Gah. He's breaking me...' -

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"Don't eat anything fatty...you're not listening, Fatty...I said, 'Don't eat anything!'"

'I'm prescribing magnets for your weight-loss program. They'll keep this on your refrigerator door.'

"After giving advice for decades, my doctor gave me some. He suggested I quit sitting all day."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'You've never starved a fever, have you?'

"You must cut down on your smoking."

Do Not Confuse Your Internet Search With my Medical Degree!

"You have to start exercising. Running your mouth, skipping meals, and jumping to conclusions won't help you."

You have a hangover!

'When you put on a new patch you're meant to take the old one off!'

"The meaning of life? Let me Google that for you."

"I'm not feeling too great. Maybe I'll ask WebMD what's wrong with me."