Lifestyle Advice Gifts

I reckon a laundromat's a good place to pick up a woman. I don't agree. A woman who can't afford a washing machine will probably never be afford to keep you.

'Someone got me because I matched her purse, I've been to a rock concert, a night club and two weddings, Life as a designer dog is great but I'd trade caviar for kibble to get a good night's sleep,'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"Feel free to take notes."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

Low-Energy Drinks

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'I love my new easylife artist's easel.'

"My online account predicts the things I should own, then buys them with my credit card. It�s very convenient, but I do now need to move to a larger house."

"We're airship people, not mega-airship people."

Cat in a flap

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

Meanwhile in Hollywood

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"Your blood sugar levels are off the chart! Just how many Hallmark Christmas movies did you watch?"

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

Trust

'OK. Lose weight, stop smoking, get fit, get a better job, spend more time with the kids, cut back on the booze, be better with money and buy a speed boat.'

'No, you won't live longer if you give up sex and alcohol. But it'll seem like it.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"Death coach..."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Home is where I hang my bat.'

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'Do you think I need to eat less. Do you have a book you could recommend to tell me how?'

"I live for the moment. That moment just happens to be in the indefinite future."

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

Perfection

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Macho Vegetarian

'Where exactly did you get this 'Lifestyle Guru' from?'

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."