Advice Gifts

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

'Have ideals, fine - bit never let them cloud your business judgement.'

'Most of the time it's nobody's fault. People just sort of drift apart.'

'Well son - When you're young the secret is to keep your mom happy. Then when you're older, keep your wife happy.'

'Oh yeah! My self help group knows a lot more than your psychiatrist. First of all, there's a lot more of them.'

'Get your hair cut, lose some weight, have a shave, be good to your mother...'

'So far I've contributed nothing to this world.' - 'And it's a better place for it.'

'We'd all like to jump over the moon.'

Only Larry showed a look of concern as he remembered his mother's warnings that he should never run with Scissors.

'Don't forget to wear a jacket.'

'No offence padre, but I'd be out of business with that sort of advice.'

'I'm considered the 'go-to' guy... Mostly go-to hell.'

'Shouldn't you two be out looking for jobs?'

"I'd leave him in your wardrobe until your husband goes out"

Family Planning - "Have you tried sex yet ?"

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

'Remember, son: They can take away your tail, but NO one can take away your waggish charm!'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"Have you considered the possibility that you could be too old for escapology classes?"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Look, Baldo, if you want someone to like you, you have to like yourself first. Just be yourself...and I'm sure this Estella girl will see what a cool guy you are."

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"Please don't be offended if I consult additional sources of information."

"We just want you kids to have all the opportunities your father and I never had because we smoked way too much pot."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

'I'm in big trouble with the old battle-ax. What would you do if you were me?'

"What's your question for 'Ask Sadie'?"

"It's the Ask Sadie advice hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls."

"Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be?" "Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person." "If you think 'being you' includes being dirty, that means you're a dirty, slovenly filth-beast..." "...who will end up alone and miserable because no liv

"Most of the time when you think you're hungry, you're really just thirsty."

"Say any terrible thing you want. Say it was taken out of context and that you're sorry if you offended anyone. Rinse and repeat."

'You'll never last that way, kid -- you've got to pace yourself.'

"Tia Carmen, I need some advice."

'Vice is one thing but advice is far worse!'