Advice Gifts

'Always use your head, follow you heart and go with your gut feeling.'

'How do you think I ended up alone on the top of a mountain?'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

'Have ideals, fine - bit never let them cloud your business judgement.'

'Most of the time it's nobody's fault. People just sort of drift apart.'

'Well son - When you're young the secret is to keep your mom happy. Then when you're older, keep your wife happy.'

'Oh yeah! My self help group knows a lot more than your psychiatrist. First of all, there's a lot more of them.'

'Get your hair cut, lose some weight, have a shave, be good to your mother...'

'So far I've contributed nothing to this world.' - 'And it's a better place for it.'

'We'd all like to jump over the moon.'

Only Larry showed a look of concern as he remembered his mother's warnings that he should never run with Scissors.

'Don't forget to wear a jacket.'

'No offence padre, but I'd be out of business with that sort of advice.'

'I'm considered the 'go-to' guy... Mostly go-to hell.'

"If I were you I'd spend most of my time trying to be someone else."

'Shouldn't you two be out looking for jobs?'

"I'd leave him in your wardrobe until your husband goes out"

Family Planning - "Have you tried sex yet ?"

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

'Remember, son: They can take away your tail, but NO one can take away your waggish charm!'

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

"Have you considered the possibility that you could be too old for escapology classes?"

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

"Look, Baldo, if you want someone to like you, you have to like yourself first. Just be yourself...and I'm sure this Estella girl will see what a cool guy you are."

"Listen to me, Nathan. Chicks love bad boys."

"Please don't be offended if I consult additional sources of information."

Ask Sadie. Sadie, I have a temper. Whenever someone defies me, I get angry. Please advise. - Hot Temper. *Actual reader questions. You're right you have a problem. Don't get angry when someone defies you. Get angry even when they agree with you! Where do readers come up with this nonsense? Get taunting advice at asksadieshow@gmail.com

"We just want you kids to have all the opportunities your father and I never had because we smoked way too much pot."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

It's the Ask Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. I'll tell you how to fix your hopeless relationship or cope with all the people at work who really are better than you. Then I'll berate you for not manning up and dealing with it on your own instead of bugging me about it! Los Angeles, CA, you're on. What's your problem? Click.

It's the Dr. Sadie Advice Hour. For the next two hours, I'll be taking your calls. You're on, Boise. What's your problem?! I don

You've reached Randy, The Dating Doctor. What ails you? My girlfriend. She's always dressing me in clothes I don't like, combing my hair in a way I don't like, and trying to get me to do things I don't like to do. That

You're on "Ask Sadie." What's your problem?! I met this lady. Sparks flew. She's married and I'm married. But again .... sparks really flew. Am I wrong for thinking life's too short, and we should seize our moments of happiness whenever we can? First of all, keep in mind that if you're every found out, sparks are going to fly again.

My mom said I can't come here anymore. What? Why not, Billy? She said she sends me here to get hot chocolate, not to get bad relationship advice. What "bad" advice? All my advice is solid gold. You told me to call the IRS with an anonymous tip about Andrea Wheaton's father avoiding taxes, so next time he tells her I'm a bad influence he'll look like a hypocrite. That didn't work?

It's the Ask Sadie Advice hour. "Shmernie" in Vermont, you're on. What's your problem?! House of Java Cybercafe. How do I know when it's time to give up? I've tried so hard to accomplish my goal but just as I think I'm about to make it happen, it gets snatched out from under me. Give it up, "Shmernie"! It's over! This reminds me of the time great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother Cohen's advice show answered a parchment form "Shmoses.