Diet Trend Follower Pillows

"I'm putting you on the 'Zombie Diet'. It's a no-brainer."

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

Queen of Quinoa

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

All Natural Nothing

On Aug. 3, 1992, the Moon rose over the horizon wearing heavy eye-liner and mohawk. Fortunately it was just a phase.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Miss Raleigh. I'm studying megatrends. Bring me some megavitamins.'

"We're making a video of us watching TV so we can watch ourselves watching TV...later."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

Inflating Boobs.

Spontaneous Kombucha

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

Final words on gravestones.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"This afternoon, we'll be turning our attention to Guess jeans."

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

"Honey, why don’t you tell Tony and Karen about your microdosing-healing-group thingy or whatever the heck it is?"

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

Giraffe Selfie

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"Not until you've arranged your pillows."

An alternative theory as to why dinosaurs are extinct.

In the not too distant future... "It's a tribal butterfly tramp stamp, honey. Same as yours."

"My new watch has a G.P.S. function but it always puts me in the right place at the wrong time."

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."