Dieting Trends Fans Pillows

'Well, like it or not, we're all going on the Atkins Diet.'

"Don't tell me we're eating Paleo again."

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'Is your cabbage diet working darling?'

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"I assume you're on the paleo diet."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'No, that doesn't make any difference either, Miss Jones.'

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?' 'It never eats.'

'I envy your metabolism.'

'Now you tell me you've gone vegan?'

"I'm putting you on the 'Zombie Diet'. It's a no-brainer."

"I was the first one to work completely gluten free."

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

"I don’t care what you read on social media, I cannot prescribe chocolate mini eggs to help with your weight loss!"

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."

My budgie likes Mars bars.

"I need to lay off those seven birthday cakes a year."

"THIS YEAR I'M GOING TO GET IN SHAPE."

Mouse, caught in trap after attempting to get cheese, says: 'That's it ??" I'm quitting dairy.'

Bar None

Church of the Low-Carbs

"I like the idea of getting rid of our junk food, but instead of throwing the fridge out, you could've just thrown the food out."

The good and bad news for the species is we have less fat than beef.

'Uh... did you say you are on a lead diet?' 'Dude... it's all natural!'

Firewood for Sale

"...and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day."

Big Turmeric

"We ought to give this diet a name."

A slim Santa emerges from slimming club.