Diet Follower Pillows

'Happy Father's Day! We got you a diet book from all of us to all of you.'

'Frozen dinners have more calories if you heat them up.'

"I AM following doctor's orders. He told me to cut back to one cup a day...right?!"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

Vegetarian Birds

All Natural Nothing

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

A small number of people are afraid of heights, but there is an epidemic fear of widths.

"I'm more of a 'How Jen stays thin' person than a 'Why Jen won't let Brad alone' person."

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

"My diet plan for you is if it tastes good, spit it out."

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I gotta lose some weight.'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

'The first thing you need to do is lose 40 pounds of that baby boomer fat.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"This is Chance. When he first came here he was a fat Chance. Now he's a slim Chance."

"I'm a monster."

'My wife's on a diet. So far she's lost her personality.'

'I think my diet is finally working. went form a large to an extra medium.'

'I followed you advice for losing weight....i got naked and stood in front of a mirror...they threw me out of the restaurant.'

'I don't get it! I've been exercising for six weeks now and haven't lost a pound.'

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'…and I want you to limit yourself to 3 feeding frenzies a day.'

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

"This is the 'carboniferous' age and we're here in the 'Carbs-Are-Really-Bad-For-Us' Age."

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."