Diet Kickoff Gifts

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

Soup of the month.

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

'So glad you could make our vegetarian BBQ.'

The discovery of asparagus.

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

"I'd like to start the 'Wellness at Work' training by offering you some guidance on diet and exercise."

See, eating healthy isn't so bad...."

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

'Please, could you me to Polish my diet!'

'I'm tired of this bread and water diet.'

'Please help mommy lose some weight. She gets grumpy when she's on a diet that's not working.'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

"How come portion control doesn't apply to broccoli?"

'Vegetarian is an old Indian word which means bad hunter.'

"He's 'getting the grill ready for summer,' which means he's washing out the beer cooler."

Macho Vegetarian

Attack of the 'health' foods

Shawn considered himself a vegetarian by proxy.

Calorie averaging...With the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get one French fry.

Looking at magnetic polarity one understands why an apple a day keeps the doctor away.

'This scale is gaining weight!'

"You won’t need refills."

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

"I diet religiously. I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight."

'Remember, chew every bite 32 times.'

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

Cathy decides to remain standing on the scale until she loses weight.