Die-hard Cubs Fan Gifts

He had finally calculated that the Cubs would win the Series.

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

No Baseball

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

Sheltering in place.

"Goal!"

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Breakfast surreal.

'Is that the look of love or the look of hearing a home run on your bluetooth?'

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."

"Dear, there's someone here to collect your soul."

'I am beginning my windup now. ... Drum roll, please.'

Sign Him.

'Talk to my lawyer.'

'Here comes my homey...'

'Give us another minute, blue. The surgeon just reattached the tendon and he's closing up.'

Ahhh, spring baseball.

"Yin and Yankee fan"

"And for a left-handed designated hitter and a player to be named later, Mr. Steinbrenner would gladly fly Elián home."

For Joe Ninth, 2 out, bases loaded, finally innings, scores tied, this was his moment.

World Cup Fan.

'...I mean, kicked out of the game is serious, but kicked off the planet?'

Successful Baseball Teams Rely on a Good Pharm System.