Die-hard Baseball Lover Gifts

No Baseball

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

350 Feet.

Political Candidates' Playbook Signals from the sidelines

Perils of the double play.

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

"Think of me as the designated sitter."

"Goal!"

Vendor selling testosterone.

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Sheltering in place.

'OK, now let's switch places.'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'Marm doesn't understand, 'I've got it, I've got it'.'

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

"Try letting the ball come to you."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Extra innings.

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

I watched an erotic thriller last night. Have you heard of the film 'Field of Dreams'?

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'