Die-hard Sports Enthusiast Gifts

'If you really loved me you would make love to me during Monday night football!'

"Good game."

"You think you can? Think again, mister. You know you can. Got that?"

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

'Wow! That was some world series, Ella! Both Pujols and Holland were just amazing...'

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

He's in training for the rugby World Cup.

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Bowled over again!

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

"Still, diving for it would look good on my college application.

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

Go team!

Golfer Shouts at Ball to Go Into Hole.

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

'Another expectant father looking forward to paternity leave.'

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'What distance! Pity it wasn't the hammer!'

'I'm not abandoned. I'm a free agent.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

"Lautrec or Gary? Hmmm... We'll take Gary."

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

Football Chameleon

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

If nobody had invented graphics

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

Xena: Warrior Princess, TV star, professional volleyball player.