Die-hard Baseball Fan Gifts

' Come on ump! That's two in a row! Hello?...Mr. Umpire?'

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Look around, son. See if there's one you like. But remember: These are abandoned players, unwanted by their teams - so they might come with some psychological baggage.'

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

"Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama?" "That's right." "What's right?" "Who plays ball with the Dalai Lama." "Why are you asking me?"

'I shoulda told you guys. . . Marmaduke makes up his own rules as we go along.'

No Baseball

Baseball pitch with a sign saying 'No Left Turn.'

A bunch of baseball players sitting on a baseball diamond watching TV.

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

"Goal!"

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Vendor selling testosterone.

Sheltering in place.

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

I can just feel it. I know they're talking about me.

"Got him up at the stadium, Chief. It was Yankee Duck Day."

"Oh, how I wish the season would start!"

Monster Baseball

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

I watched an erotic thriller last night. Have you heard of the film 'Field of Dreams'?

"Slugger goes yard!!!"

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

'The only thing exciting about these games is our dads fighting with the umpire.'

All Star Team.

'Is that the look of love or the look of hearing a home run on your bluetooth?'

'Watch out, Dewey! Cow pie!'

This is great, Ernie, there's a pennant race and the ballpark is packed every day! The food selection here is unmatched anywhere! Today I've already had nachos, a bit of hot dog and some ice cream! Coming here always makes me queasy! Oh, the foods too much for you? No, I just get nervous in a place where the term "sacrifice fly" is used!

'He's not a skilled pitcher. In fact, he throws like a nerd...'

'Yo, Corona! Pack your stuff! You've been traded.'

'Dad says I can't come out tonight. It's some sort of infield fly rule.'

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

"As your attorney, I must strongly advise you against bringing the high heat."