Die-hard Football Fan Gifts

The end of the football season is near

"Can you move this along a bit. The football starts in ten minutes!!"

Detroit Lions fan psychiatric patient

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

I like the Jets...I guess

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"England losing from a penalty shootout again!"

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Football Chameleon

If nobody had invented graphics

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'Originally he was the mascot until we discovered he had a golden foot.'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

Football

Raheem Sterling

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"I'm not using my jumper as a goalpost, sir, I'm using it as a jumper."

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Big screen TV.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

"All of a dither as per usual!"

"Uptight End"

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

Kenny Dalglish

"Next time you score show a little respect and don't spike uncle Frank so hard."

'I told him if he didn't get here quick he'd miss out on all the beer and food.'

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'